Thursday 1 January 2015

Deafheaven-Sunbather



On the first day of 2015:

Sunbather (SB): “Hi, remember me?”

Me: “Of course I do.”

SB: “it’s been more than a year, and one showcase in your country as well, so…where’s your article about me as you’ve promised long ago?”

Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t push myself for an article when I’m unable find any relevance of your existence.”

SB: “oh really? So you mean to say that people who like us are dumb?”

Me: “That’s not what I’m saying.”

SB: “So, what is that you’re saying?”

Me: *sigh* “nevermind.”

SB: “I insist. Is it because we’re not trve black metallist?”

Me: “There’s nothing to do with black metal, actually.”

SB: “so, what is it?”

Me: “Okay, if you insist, I hate everything that you said. A towel-clad sunbathing girl? Fantasizing the sight of Manhattan? Are you writing music for the gloomy version of Sex and the City? Furthermore, about ‘tomb of memories’ and ‘lost in the pattern of youth’? Can’t you just move on from your family problems? I think that if those songs are being streamed automatically via Elite Daily, the songs will increase the perceived relevance and (sometimes) faux motivational objectives of the website’s listicles. So you better take your sorry upper-middle class existence back to where you belong, wash your face and grow up!”

SB: “wow, that’s cruel!”

Me: “but you insist.”

SB: “so, are you saying that I’m irrelevant?”

Me: *thinking* “………”

SB: “ARE YOU SAYING THAT I’M IRRELEVANT?”

Me: “No. you are relevant. Your sorry existence warns me not to get too carried away by the hype emerged from that “remain-lifting” new doom band. Furthermore, I quite like your sounds. Just plain ‘like’ instead of deep ‘love’.”

SB: “My fans won’t like this.”

Me: “Take a close look on my pair of juicy lips: ‘I DON’T CARE’!”

SB: “ahhh.....FUCK OFF!”

Me: “No, You fuck off!”

*We’re both frenchkissing each other*

---The End---